My father always wanted to be the corpse at every funeral, the bride at every wedding and the baby at every christening.

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.

If YOU DON'T HAVE ANYTHING NICE TO SAY ABOUT ANYONE..COME SIT BY ME.

My specialty is detached malevolence.

I have a simple philosophy: Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. Scratch where it itches.

I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.

He sprang from the grass roots of the country clubs of America.

I can be President of the United States, or I can control Alice. I cannot possibly do both.

He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.

Never trust a man who combs his hair straight from his left armpit.

I'm the only topless octogenarian in Washington.

If you can forget the person you love, you have not loved enough.

When we are out of sympathy with the young, then I think our work in this world is over.

I didn't write any fiction until I was past thirty.

I love comedies. I love watching them. I think I've always been afraid of being on them a little bit.

Love," he said, "has the longest arms.

It's not what you tell your players that counts. It's what they hear.

If we want to sum up the theory of evolution by natural selection in two words, which have great relevance for all societies and businesses, we should simply remember: diversity works.

Suicide doesn't solve your problems. It only makes them infinitely, un-countably worse.

Be who you are. If you spend all of your time worrying about how people view you, you will not be either faithful to yourself or effective in what you're trying to do.

On a flight of emotion there's wonder and bliss, but beware of a landing that may go amiss.