My father gave me a bat for Christmas. The first time I tried to play with it, it flew away.

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.

If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

You know you're ugly when you go to the proctologist and he sticks his finger in your mouth.

Creativity is a unique characteristics that a person can posses from his or her own knowledge when he or she is creating changes in society that can benefit a vast amount of people.

God’s followers need to know the truth He sets forth in His Word so that we can confidently discern between His truth and Satan’s lies.

The voice of conscience is so delicate that it is easy to stifle it but it is also so clear that it is impossible to mistake it.

Being aware of your fear is smart. Overcoming it is the mark of a successful person.

When I say I trust Jesus, that is what I mean: I trust that the way of life leads through perishability, not around it.

I am very subtle; but Man is deeper in his thought than I am. The woman knows that there is no such thing as nothing: the man knows that there is no such day as tomorrow. I do well to worship them.

If you believe you can read you can

I haven't had ice-cream in a year, although I did have a slice of pizza. People don't realise that when you're shooting a movie it's only three months to get in shape for.

The paradox is that no love can prove so intense as the love of two narcissists for each other.

There may be one fault in a man that conceals a thousand qualities, or one excellence that conceals a thousand faults. The little indicates much.