My father has a high opinion of his opinion

A Muslim allowed a topless Jew to sit on his camel. And we say we can't live side by side? I say we try and we can and we will. And you don't even have to be topless. L'chaim.

We usually have margaritas on Thursdays but since it's Tuesday I'll make an exception.

Even if times are tough and you're enduring a terrible heartache, it's important to focus your anger on a vibrator, not another person.

Laugh loudly, laugh often, and most important, laugh at yourself.

I can't be skinny all the time. I like to drink and I like to eat. I like burgers and bagels.

I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.

I'm very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter.

You do not OWN a dog. You HAVE a dog. And the dog HAS YOU

There are no warning signs on the trampoline. The warning is the trampoline.

I don't like the word 'alcoholic'. I like to think of myself as an advanced drinker.

Destiny smells of dust and the libraries of night.

Reading is the occupation of the insomniac par excellence.

Intellectuals of [Albert] Camus' age who had previously disliked him now appreciate him. And at that point we come back to literature, and it's agreed that he was always a great writer.

Whatever you do, do it completely. Don't do it half-arsed. Do it more than anybody else would.

If you want to rise in politics in the United States, there is one subject you must stay away from, and that is politics.

Our attitude can give us an uncommonly positive perspective.

I never learned the secret handshake. That may be one of the reasons I've grown to love English soccer.

Where I trained at in Florida, though, they didn't have Jack in the Box. There were a couple of nights where they were all I could think about. But, it worked out for me at the combine. It paid off.

I never worked less than 16-hour days on South Beach.