My father hauled boxes so I could get an education and earn enough money to pay someone to make me lift weights.

Life is like jury duty. Just do it and get it over with.

Competition is the death of art.

Have you noticed since Global Warming took hold that all the snowmen look kind of angry?

They say that cats are the only animal that can sit in your lap and ignore you. To which I say: you've never been to the Spearmint Rhino.

The Cadillac Escalade is the perfect vehicle for a pimp with a growing family.

Why do I always meet women as I'm leaving the dog park with a big bag of poop? And it's always on the day I forgot my dog.

Women are like pumpkins; you search and search for the perfect one, bring it home, and the next thing you know, you're looking for a knife.

I like to think of Doritos as emotional packing material to safeguard the feelings I've swallowed.

Unshaven dudes in hoodies and ski caps look so hip and cool, until they too close to a grocery cart full of dented cans.

To really make it look like Santa came, I put reindeer poop on the roof. It's just so cold up there with my pants down.

Jedi are conversationalists and negotiators, bringing people together and solving problems. Jedi listen and feel to what others are saying.

Simplicity is an exact medium between too little and too much.

I have only one ambition, which is to be famous.

No religion is higher than humanity

Man is a mixture of desires that extend beyond his knowledge and often result in action conflicting with rationality.

Somewhere between the Angels and the French lies the rest of humanity.

Make a list of twenty-five things you want to experience before you die. Carry it in your wallet or purse and refer to it often.

I've always wanted to create drama in my pictures, which is why I paint people. It's people who have brought drama to pictures from the beginning. The simplest human gestures tell stories.

Love and war always go together. They are the peaks of human emotion! Evil and good, beauty and ugliness

What leads to peace is not violence but peaceableness, which is not passivity, but an alert, informed, practiced, and active state of being.