My father thrives on fear. You know that prayer If I should die before I wake? I had sheets that said that!

Screw normal. You know why? 'Cause if you're normal, the crowd will accept you. But if you're deranged, the crowd will make you their leader.

Everyone has an enemy. It's why God gave us baseball bats. Well, He gave us trees, but we knew what He meant.

I don't fail. I succeed at finding out what doesn't work.

Take the time to smell the roses. Sooner or later, you'll inhale a bee and die.

The normal make a living. The deranged make history.

I think when you sit alone with your brain too much, your own brain starts to rebel against you.

Socrates said, the unexamined life is not worth living. My dad said, Booty - mmm mmm.

I don't believe in right or left; I don't believe in Santa or Satan. I believe in things I can touch - like vodka and Oreos.

Anyone can have a relationship but if you're dating a woman who's so crazy in bed that if you aren't wearing your Kevlar one night you might never see daylight again... that's exciting.

The only thing that ever made me want to be a wife-beater is being called one. Your honor, can I have five minutes to make her not a liar, please?

Grown ups are complicated creatures, full of quirks and secrets.

True education is concerned not only with practical goals but also with values. Our aims assure us of our material life, our values make possible our spiritual life.

I've got the best deal on Earth. Where else can I sin and know that I'm forgiven for it?

God's voice is still and quiet and easily buried under an avalanche of clamour.

Those people have no real interest in a science who only begin to get excited about it when they themselves have made discoveries in it.

Water is the best of all things.

Regarding drugs: just the existence of drugs seems troubling to me.

Almost always the men who achieve these fundamental inventions of a new paradigm have been either very young or very new to the field whose paradigm they change.

...to win by one is enough.

I believed I was a salamander, and it seems I am nothing but an impediment.