My father was a simple man; my mother was a simple woman; you see the result standing in front of you, a simpleton.

After I told my wife that black underwear turned me on, she didn't wash my Y-fronts for a month.

I dreamt I was forced to eat 25lb of marshmallows. When I woke up, my pillow was missing.

So there I was lying in the gutter. A man stopped and asked '"What's the matter? Did you fall over?" So I said "No. I've a bar of toffee in my back pocket and I was just trying to break it."

The boat was so old; it must have been launched when Long John Silver had two legs and an egg on his shoulder.

She's a classy girl though, at least all her tattoos are spelt right.

It was a pretty posh place. They were so used to fur coats that two bears strolled in and ordered lunch and nobody even noticed.

I met this cowboy with a brown paper hat, paper waistcoat and paper trousers. He was wanted for rustling.

My mother was so house proud that when my father got up to sleepwalk she had the bed made by the time he got back.

My parents never understood me; they were Japanese.

We've got stained glass windows in our house; it's those damned pigeons.

We're all golden sunflowers inside.

Emotions don't distract high performers.

Always keep an open mind and to listen to what those around you have to say about you. You might actually learn something that may help you become a better person!

We are not sure what we will become, only what we want to and don’t want to. We often become what we never thought we could, then we become fine with that.

I've had quite a lot of luck with dreams. I've often awoken in the night with a phrase or even a whole song in my head.

I believe in God and immortality.

Curators are great, but they're inherently biased. Curators are always making an editorial decision. Those biases have really big implications.

How can you expect someone to get a good day's work if they are interrupted all day?

Yes it's going really well. We are planning on having a baby together.

Americans learn only from catastrophe and not from experience.