My father was my greatest inspiration. He was a lunatic.

You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States.

Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it's all in perfect working order.

I can speak Esperanto like a native.

Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, get it out with Optrex.

All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.

How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.

Said Hamlet to Ophelia, I'll draw a sketch of thee. What kind of pencil shall I use? 2B or not 2B?

We haven't got a plan so nothing can go wrong!

Science cannot progress without reliable and accurate measurement of what it is you are trying to study. The key is measurement, simple as that.

Little journeys and good cost bring safe home.

The phrases that men hear or repeat continually, end by becoming convictions and ossify the organs of intelligence.

I think, again, neither of these candidates [Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton] is blowing me away. Actually, I would like both of them to get more policy specific.

We in this country have to make up our minds -- -- we can not have it both ways: we cannot be both drug-free and free.

Red carpets and dressing up are a part of work that I enjoy less than some people.

His breath in my ear, he ran his tongue along the curved edge, sucking the fleshy lobe and my small diamond stud into his mouth, and my eyes drifted closed while I babbled a weak sound of longing.

Intellect is the soul of man, the only immortal part of him.