My father watched football with the sound off because he lived in fear of hearing the voice of Howard Cosell.

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.

It wasn't that no one asked me to the prom, it was that no one would tell me where it was.

I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.

I don't want to push the envelope. Let the envelope stay in the middle of the table. I'll just make you laugh.

I was a ballerina. I had to quit after I injured a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.

The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down.

I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and say to myself "well, that's not going to happen

Courage is just dreams with shoes on.

You will never be able to live with two kinds of people

Dead men's words are so much more powerful than those of the living

I don't want to be patronizing . . . that means "talking down."

I can live with the pain of losing but I can't live with the thought of not having tried my best.

In America we can say what we think, and even if we can't think, we can say it anyhow.

The one who always strives, That one can be redeemed.

We don't live in our fears. We live in our hopes.

There are many, many people who have lost 100 pounds and kept it off.

I am responsible for me. I can kind of take care of what I need to do and should do what I like to do.