My favorite kind of humor is basically, if it was happening to you, it wouldn't be funny, but to observe it, it's hilarious.

To me this is not yelling. I am not yelling. I'm just passionate about my opinions and I want to tell you all of them before you start talking again.

Haven't you noticed that every time the government f-ks up McDonald's has a new sandwich?

Only an adult with dying dreams can appreciate how awesome it is to have a dog.

God's everywhere, but I gotta go down (to church) to see him? Really? And he's mad at me down there, and I owe you money?

Let's go to Brunch. What a great idea! Why would you want to sleep in on a Sunday when you can go pay $18 for eggs? Now, you're thinking.

Surround yourself with positive people. Also, be a positive person. Root for people. Somebody else's success is not your failure.

Nothing worse than when a 6 acts like a 10.

I've never wanted to kill myself over anything major. It's always the little things that do me in.

Your twenties is all about taking your childhood out on everyone that you run into.

Pitbulls are like a gun you can pet.

Perhaps she was just looking for love in the wrong places. In all the safe places. What if love was not safe at all?

To say the least a town life makes one more tolerant and liberal in one's judgement of others.

If people do not know what is going to make them better off or give them pleasure, then the idea that you can trust people to do what will give them pleasure becomes questionable.

Blues is a natural fact, is something that a fellow lives. If you don't live it you don't have it. Young people have forgotten to cry the blues. Now they talk and get lawyers and things.

Well, we have certainly produced great art before we did this. In my view, there are any number of areas of government which tax money should not be spent.

The NAACP is a wonderful organization . . . But do you realize if tomorrow morning we had complete integration, all them cats would be outta work?

What the media is doing is, again, just going after the Democrats and the Republicans and making it about politics instead of principles.

Busy idleness urges us on.

I believe Jesus Christ came for everybody. I don't think he came for Christians. The Bible says take this good news to the whole world.

I don't have an album cover with me on a broomstick.