My favorite way to spend Saturday is in and out of bed, watching sports on TV and eating.

Ed Sullivan brought me to TV first in 1952, then Garry Moore's program gave me a lot of confidence and freedom.

Marriage is nature's way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.

If you want to read about love and marriage, you've got to buy two separate books.

Let's face it: It's difficult enough to be funny without worrying about what is going to offend whom.

I made it, Ma - Carnegie Hall. And I didn't have to practice.

A summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let's eat!

You know you are getting old when people tell you how good you look.

Banks have a new image. Now you have 'a friend,' your friendly banker. If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the pens?

If you stop and think about it, nearly all great humor is at the expense of someone or something.

My father helped me leave. He said, 'It's all out there, it's not here.'

There are questions I'm still not wise enough to answer, just wise enough to no longer ask.

Though people are laughing at the dirt surrounding you, they are missing to see the seeds also planted, growing silently within.

The job of the travel writer is to go far and wide, to make voluminous notes, to tell the truth.

Walking is the favorite sport of the good and wise.

Adults have their own issues and their own problems, which are understandable, and some adults are working through their own adolescent issues.-

How true, how true" said the Sour Kangaroo, "And from now on, you know what I'm gonna do? I'm going to protect them with you!" And the Young Kangaroo in her pouch said "Me too!

Kevin Kelly, let The Rock answer your question with a question of his own: Are you mentally, as well as physically prepared to tickle the anus of a monkey?

A belly laugh increases the ability of your immune system to fight infections.

Nonviolent non-co-operation is the only alternative to anarchy and worse.

Not many people know this ... but I happen to be famous.