My feet, they haul me Round the House, They hoist me up the Stairs; I only have to steer them, and They Ride me Everywheres.

Imagination is like a lofty building reared to meet the sky; whereas fancy is a balloon that soars at the wind's will.

To appreciate nonsense requires a serious interest in life.

There is work that is work and there is play that is play; there is play that is work and work that is play. And in only one of these lies happiness.

Love is only chatter, friends are all that matter.

I never saw a purple cow; I never hope to see one; But I can tell you, anyhow, I'd rather see than be one.

The fear of women is the beginning of knowledge.

Old friends, we say, are best, when some sudden disillusionment shakes our faith in a new comrade.

If in the last few years you have not discarded a major opinion or acquired a new one, check your pulse. You may be dead.

When the waitress puts the dinner on the table, the old men look at the dinner. The young men look at the waitress.

Without bigots, eccentrics, cranks and heretics the world would not progress.

Everyone that enters through Him is secured and the person shall find pastures for himself. Jesus really cares!

As for the men in power, they are so anxious to establish the myth of infallibility that they do their utmost to ignore truth.

When I was preparing for this speech I asked my family for advice. One member replied "There's a first time for everything so try to be funny and brief."

Bands like Nirvana had theatrical sensibilities, playing with image, challenging assumptions people were making about them, the apex being Kurt Cobain in a dress to make a point.

Writing is immensely difficult. The short forms especially.

Only when a disputed point has long caused bloodshed and disturbance, or when a successful invader (military or theological) insists on a change, is it necessary to draw up a code.

Am I not a man and brother?

Donald Trump didn't just throw out the playbook, he set fire to it. And America loved it.

If you allow your mind to carp at all and sundry, it will turn against itself: the majority of our sorrows are self-inflicted.

Now, for my younger viewers out there, a book is something we used to have before the internet. It’s sort of a blog for people with attention spans.