My first big gig was an opening show for Frank Zappa, and I think that was difficult.

A gentleman is someone who can play the accordion, but doesn't.

Don't plant your bad days. They grow into weeks. The weeks grow into months. Before you know it, you got yourself a bad year. Take it from me - choke those little bad days. Choke 'em down to nothing.

We are buried beneath the weight of information, which is being confused with knowledge; quantity is being confused with abundance and wealth with happiness. We are monkeys with money and guns.

I'd rather have a free bottle in front of me than a prefrontal lobotomy.

when your down on your luck and you've lost all your dreams theres nothing like a campfire and a can of beans

I like beautiful melodies telling me terrible things.

The folks who know the truth aren't talking.... The ones who don't have a clue, you can't shut them up!

You have to keep busy. After all, no dog's ever pissed on a moving car.

When I was younger, I wanted to be older. Now I am older, I am not quite so sure.

Most people don't care if you're telling them the truth or if you're telling them a lie, as long as they're entertained by it.

There’s an empty seat next to me in the ‘intensely aggravating’ section…and it’s got your name on it

Almost anyone can be an author; the business is to collect money and fame from this state of being.

A lot of my shows in the past have been more theatrical than others, but you really get the bug for it when you direct on stage.

I know the two great commandments, and I'd better get on with them.

As you go along, you realize you have ambitions but when you get there, you want something else, so you're moving very quickly.

once it's jam, it can't be strawberries anymore.

A Pakistan that falls apart, becomes a failed state, would be of extraordinary danger to Afghanistan and to America.

Such is the patriot's boast, where'er we roam, His first best country ever is at home.

A life's work should be based on love.

Life has become the ideology of its own absence.