My first job as a kid was going from door to door selling Christmas cards, to raise money for my grandmother's hip replacement. Because, you know... You break it, you buy it.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.

I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.

My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself.

My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes.

I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn't any gum under any of them.

I've learned that you can't make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they'll panic and give in.

People come up to me and say, 'Emo, do people really come up to you?'

Divine-encounter exist any sacred-situation.

History in its broadest aspect is a record of man's migrations from one environment to another.

The biggest waste of brainpower is to want to change something that's not changeable.

A life without fame can be a good life, but fame without a life is no life at all.

O faithful conscience, delicately pure, how doth a little failing wound thee sore!

I think the best way to get over your body issues is to just flaunt your body at every opportunity.

I don't care where we're going; I'm gonna wear a suit all day, every day.

There are many people that we meet in our lives. But only a very few will make a lasting impression on our minds and hearts.

God has a place and purpose for you, somewhere for you to be and something for you to do. You never will be happy elsewhere, nor can you please God anywhere but there.

This hunger for profits causes great misery for the people.