My first year on 'SNL', I made $90,000 dollars.

There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.

Right now, my job is that I'm like an ambulance chaser. I've got to look for movies with white guys falling out of them.

Everyone has favorite criminals. Mine are pimps. We can all rob a bank; we can all sell drugs. Being a pimp is a whole other thing.

So, to say Barack Obama is progress is saying that he's the first black person that is qualified to be president. That's not black progress. That's white progress.

Wealth is not about having a lot of money; it's about having a lot of options.

The advantage that my children have is that my children are encountering the nicest white people that America has ever produced. Let’s hope America keeps producing nicer white people.

I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.

Most people don't realize this, but you can eat organic, all natural, gluten-free food without telling everyone around you.

Smart is knowing if you're dumb. Knowing when to shut up and to listen to people that are smarter than you.

You know the world is messed up when the tallest man in the NBA is Chinese, the best golfer is black, and the best rapper is white.

It's and old, old story: I had a friend and we shared everything, and then she died and so we shared that, too.

When it's about your life, it's time to be selfish.

There is a wide distinction between confessing sin as a culprit, and confessing sin as a child. The Father's bosom is the place for penitent confessions.

Pride would be a lot easier to swallow if it didn't taste so bad.

The hardest thing is to endure the applause of fools, and patiently suffer the booing, while with the bravissimo of the foolish one would rather strike them between the ears.

I'm afraid to laugh out loud, because there's so much information.

I don't think I'd ever be cruel to an animal.

I have a great memory. And actually, I remember Russia in some ways better than I remember Queens.

You must master a new way to think, before you can master a new way to be.

A woman scorn'd is pitiless as fate, For then the dread of shame adds stings to hate.