My friend Bill O’Reilly is completely full of sh*t.

You can truly grieve for every officer who's been lost in the line of duty in this country, and still be troubled by cases of police overreach.

I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.

There are a hell of a lot of jobs that are scarier than live comedy. Like standing in the operating room when a guy's heart stops, and you're the one who has to fix it!

We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we have been looking for as our pretext of invading Iraq. There's just one problem - it's in North Korea.

Religion. It's given people hope in a world torn apart by religion.

I've always liked Atlanta. And not just for the strip clubs, but the shopping and the food.

Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake.

I really like to put my name on everything, so my roommate doesn't steal it. It's really a throwback to that.

I'm too short to host a late-night talk show. It's like the bar at an amusement-park ride. You have to be six foot two or over.

If your regime is not strong enough to handle a joke, then you don't have a regime.

I can't say why some memories float and other sink.

I wasn't only hurt by love. I was ruined too.

Murder is not a suitable topic of conversation for a young lady.

Prayer begins at the edge of emptiness.

I travel a lot so I do everything I can to keep my skin fresh and hydrated. Whenever I fly, I make sure I have a clean face so I can give my skin a break.

Audiences are not strangers to me. They're the best friends I've got in my life.

A Christian high school is just like any other high school in the sense of the politics and all of these levels of who's cool and what to wear.

I can gab with pretty much anyone.

RB Morris is the greatest unknown singer-songwrit er in the US.

I didn't really know exactly the point where I wanted to be an actor. But I know at this point, because I never went to college, I don't really have anything to fall back on.