My friend named his car. And I don't want to be judgemental, but... what a dork.

I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.

I wear dark sunglasses when I want my head to look more like a limousine.

The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.

A lot of people like lollipops. I don't like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don't need a handle. Just give me the candy.

Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.

A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.

When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.

Those who really love you don't mean to hurt you and if they do, you can't see it in their eyes but it hurts them too.

I am all that I have.

You have to get to the next level, or you're gonna get stuck where you are for the rest of your life.

We're social animals; we're meant to be together, but we were never necessarily meant to be together without being together. That was never the plan, I don't think.

The wolves are never meant to be anything other than defending. They're not meant to be aggressors.

The truth is, anyone can start projects. The world is full of just-started projects that looked great at the time but were never completed.

Many kinds of fruit grow upon the tree of life, but none so sweet as friendship; as with the orange tree its blossoms and fruit appear at the same time, full of refreshment for sense and for soul.

To love is to undress our names.

He created his own Kool Aid reality and was able to illuminate himself by it.

Naught can deform the human race Like to the armor's iron brace.