My friend told me he was going to a fancy-dress party as an Italian island. I said: 'Don’t be Sicily’.

Velcro: what a rip-off.

Black beauty - he's a dark horse.

I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah. He was trying to pull a fast one.

You see I'm against hunting, in fact I'm a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox.

Ive decided to sell my Hoover… well, it was just collecting dust.

I went out on a date with Simile. I don't know what I metaphor.

I was reading a book... 'the history of glue' - I couldn't put it down.

Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels.

So I said to the gym instructor: 'Can you teach me to do the splits?' He said: 'How flexible are you?' I said: I can't make Tuesdays.'

So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red.

The more I know about God, I am convinced He likes to read books and authors are His librarians. Every soul is a story waiting to be read.

Heartbreak sounds like dead silence. For a second. Then the world crashes and continues around you.

Wisdom doesn’t come only from the experience you have had, but from the experience you have chosen not to have.

Conformity is contagious.

A concert is always like a feast day to me.

This Epistle, is therefore a legacy to the Christians of all ages.

You can't always be the most talented person in the room. But you can be the most competitive

The first author of speech was God himself, that instructed Adam how to name such creatures as He presented to his sight.

Basketball is the worst sport. They need to raise the basket at least two feet.

I'm emotionless right now. It's hard to describe how I'm feeling.