My friends keep telling me I'm doing it with Mary Palmer. That's not true - I'm too busy masturbating to meet anyone new.

Just when you think you know the answers, I change the questions.

Sooner or later, everybody pays the Piper!

I'm so quick, I could spit in the wind, duck, and let it hit the old lady behind me.

You'll find sympathy in the dictionary between sh*t and suicide.

I walk so fast, I talk so fast, I could turn the light off and be in bed before the room's dark.

You don't throw rocks at a man with a machine gun!

I'm the reason Hulk Hogan lost his hair.

I don't need to know how tough I am to know how tough I am.

I was pissin' Vince McMahon off when the red on the back of your neck was diaper rash!

Ric Flair, you once called me a woman. Well, what I want to know is, how does it feel to get beat by a woman?

An overly negative circle is more dangerous to one's future than one's worst enemies.

In other words, I tasted a different drug. A drug called progress.

The biggest man you're ever going to see was once a baby.

Broad paths are open to every endeavour, and a sympathetic recognition is assured to every one who consecrates his art to the divine services of a conviction of a consciousness.

Shame is no comrade for the poor, I weet.

I close my eyes, and think of water.

Old persons are sometimes as unwilling to die as tired-out children are to say good night and go to bed.

Is this a generation of orphans who are going to the improv to do stand-up?

There is always a right moment to stop something.

The Christian church was born in song.