My girlfriend does her nails with white-out. When she's asleep, I go over there and write misspelled words on them.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

Never let anyone distract your focus from accomplishing great opportunities in your life .

Greatness starts from bearing the willingness to embrace your uniqueness at all times.

I tried always to do better: saw always a little further. I tried to stretch myself.

Wishing for control is like wishing for the rapture.

There is such a thing as society. It's just not the same thing as the state.

What is our task? To make Britain a fit country for heroes to live in.

Each thought that is welcomed and recorded is a nest egg, by the side of which more will be laid.

The seven Ps: Proper Planning and Preparation Prevent Piss-Poor Performance

The shortage of fresh water is the major ecological problem of this moment.

The trouble with life was that you didn’t get a chance to practice before doing it for real.