My girlfriend's weird. One day she asked me, 'If you could know how and when you were going to die, would you want to know?' I said, 'No.' She said, 'Okay, forget it.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

Peril-ridden and fragile, the imperfect human body, what a shameful thing it was!

When you are always ready for the worst, then the worst is likely to show up

Nothing is so bad that you have to sit down and go crazy.

I hope we shall crush in its birth the aristocracy of our monied corporations which dare already to challenge our government to a trial by strength, and bid defiance to the laws of our country.

The power of good film is being there in the moment.

Virtue, once bragged about, once you pride yourself upon it, ceases to be such.

In an underdeveloped country don't drink the water. In a developed country don't breathe the air.

With Shakespeare and poetry, a new world was born. New dreams, new desires, a self consciousness was born. I desired to know to know myself in terms of the new standards set by these books.

Emotions can create problems that do not exist. It's fine to be justifiably angry. But, it's not okay to let that anger fester long enough to become bitterness.

You can't have good comedy without drama in it.