My girlfriend said, Emo, I'm seeing another man. I said, Well, try rubbing your eyes or something.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.

I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.

My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself.

My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes.

I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn't any gum under any of them.

I've learned that you can't make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they'll panic and give in.

People come up to me and say, 'Emo, do people really come up to you?'

We can't avoid reasoning

Oh, don't let him pull that 'Pearl Harbor I'm going off to war' stuff on you.

People often say to me: Oy! Get out of my garden.

Each and every one of us has a fire that burns inside us. They can try like hell to put it out, but as long as we know in our minds who we are meant to be, they will never stand a chance.

For people who want to get into the voiceover industry, even if you want to get into commercial, you need to become a really, really good actor.

I really like 'This Side of Paradise' by F. Scott Fitzgerald. I think it's a cool description of a character.

I have a really, really great girl in my life right now.

I would love [to learn more about fashion] - anything that's going to help me put certain looks together.

I love to sing, and I've recorded a few covers and originals with friends, but I haven't written any songs.

I tell ya, my wife was never nice. On our first date, I asked her if I could give her a goodnight kiss on the cheek - she bent over!