My goal in life is to be as happy as a studio audience.

The appetizer is just an excuse for an extra meal. Let's see, I will start with the eighty buffalo wings.

Yeah the appetizer, that's the food we eat before we have our food...No no you're thinking of dessert, that's food we eat after we have our food.

You wanna know how good bacon is? To improve other food, they wrap it in bacon.

Whenever you correct someone's grammar just remember that nobody likes you.

I talk kinda slow, especially for the Northeast, so it was a way to beat [would-be hecklers] to the punch.

My favorite vegetable is the marshmallow.

The only advantage to wearing glasses is that you can do that dramatic removal.

Anyone know if the shuttles to Hell will have Wifi? Asking for a friend.

One of the benefits of eating salad is that you can eat tons of it and never be satisfied.

In the end, the type of parent you are is going to be something that you carry with you. ... Having multiple kids, it's been a gift in a way. It's keeping the priorities straighter.

Because if you take a risk, you just might find what you're looking for.

Courage creates and makes more wounds, but its good for the brave and not the strong ones without wisdom.

It was really over, I thought. There was no way to go back, to make it stay. There was never that.

Sorrow is so easy to express and yet so hard to tell.

Secrets can remind us of the countless human dramas, of frailty and heroism playing out silently in the lives of people all around us.

The beautiful attracts the beautiful.

I seek to fight the best out there. I seek to fight the champions in every division I go up to.

You'll get more support on a hard, important, project than a derivative one.

I hope we never live to see the day when a thing is as bad as some of our newspapers make it.

It is difficult to be a good noncommissioned officer. If it had been easy, they would have given it to the officer corps.