My goal is just to become a better comedian.

If life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade. And try to find somebody who's life gives them vodka, and have a party.

I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.

You can't fix stupid. There's not a pill you can take, or a class you can go to.

You can't fix stupid.

I had the right to remain silent... but I didn't have the ability.

I believe that a bad Super Bowl halftime show is still better than a soccer game.

I did not climb to the top of the food chain to eat carrots.

In Texas, we have the death penalty, and we use it. That's right. If you come to Texas and kill somebody, we will kill you back.

The next time you have a thought... let it go.

Diamonds - that'll shut her up... for a minute!

The joy is in the climb. Appreciate the process. To build or perfect anything takes time and effort. That time and effort adds value. Embrace the journey.

Focused men are painfully attractive.

The present is all you have for your certain possession.

I am not who I was,' he whispered, gripping the edges of the column, 'but I know who I am.'... 'And I won't give up.

The love of praise, howe'er conceal'd by art, Reigns more or less, and glows in ev'ry heart.

When you're in the desert you witness acts of power. When you're in the world of the tonal, drop all that nonsense, become logical and orderly and have fun with that.

Spiritual process is not about chanting a mantra or closing your eyes, spiritual process is essentially about enhancing your perception.

You're attractive because you don't know how attractive you are.

We never could design a building as beautiful as the trees.

The heart that once has been bathed in love's pure fountain retains the pulse of youth forever.