My grandfather gave me a watch. It doesn't have any hands or numbers. He says it's very accurate. I asked him what time it was. You can guess what he told me.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

Let us be grateful to the people who make us happy

38. “A wet bird never flies at night.” (My grandfather said that to me when I was a child and warned me not to forget it. I remember his words but never did figure out what he meant!)

If I have to lay an egg for my country, I'll do it.

If we intend to provide a better life, and a better world, for future generations, we can't ignore the quality of the environment we leave them.

Soul brother number 1+1 Gettin' fed like where drugs and guns come from

Yesterday, Arnold Schwarzenegger announced he would run for governor of California. The announcement was good news for Florida residents who now live in the second flakiest state in the country.

It's easier to make an album, harder to figure out how to get people to notice it.

For things to change, you have to change.

One of the reasons I loved playing quarterback was that I got to call the plays. The cancer put me in a position where I really wasn't in control anymore.

[After Vietnam] the type of interventions that are carried out are designed so as not to elicit public reactions.