My grandmother's brain was dead, but her heart was still beating. It was the first time we ever had a democrat in the family.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.

I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.

My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself.

My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes.

I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn't any gum under any of them.

I've learned that you can't make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they'll panic and give in.

People come up to me and say, 'Emo, do people really come up to you?'

But that’s what He does. Waits until the darkness seems too deep to be overcome, and then, here comes the light.

In a world full of oddities, it’s how you outdo yourself within your own schizophrenia of abnormalities, that determines your most interesting self.

No, " said the cat. "Now, you people have names. That's because you don't know who you are. We know who we are, so we don't need names.

Ella was fluttering above him, dodging missiles and calling out advice: "The groin. The Earthborn's groin is sensitive."SMASH!"Good. Yes. Tyson found its groin.

Biomimicry is … the conscious emulation of life’s genius.

It is very little to me to have the right to vote, to own property, etc., if I may not keep my body, and its uses, in my absolute right

One has to speak out and stand up for one's convictions. Inaction at a time of conflagration is inexcusable.

I was well traveled, and I created this illusion of literacy through reading and writing. I wrote a book of short stories.

In case of doubt, do a little more than you have to.