My greatest talent is in my ability to choose good friends. It's about as important as things get.

The downward spiral of Dumbness in America is about to hit a new low.

Life has become immeasurably better since I have been forced to stop taking it seriously.

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.

I learned a long time ago that reality was much weirder than anyone's imagination.

Human beings are the only creatures on earth that claim a God and the only thing that behaves like it hasn't got one.

Sleep late, have fun, get wild, drink whisky and drive fast on empty streets with nothing in mind but falling in love and not getting arrested.

America... just a nation of two hundred million used car salesmen with all the money we need to buy guns and no qualms about killing anybody else in the world who tries to make us uncomfortable.

So we shall let the reader answer this question for himself: who is the happier man, he who has braved the storm of life and lived or he who has stayed securely on shore and merely existed?

Anything that gets your blood racing is probably worth doing.

Hope rises and dreams flicker and die. Love plans for tomorrow and loneliness thinks of yesterday. Life is beautiful and living is pain.

Never shame your comrades by letting their death get you killed

If you aren't willing to put your best work out there, write for yourself. Don't ever publish.

Ever since I was little I really loved boyish clothes - I had a real obsession with strict clothes, like uniforms. They really got me going.

I would hate for climate change to be accepted simply because everyone was dying.

To see and listen to the wicked is already the beginning of wickedness.

When they face desperation... human beings become animals.

Could I have a Sloe Gin Fizz, without the gin?" "What's the point of that, Miss?" the waiter said. "Tomorrow morning," Mabel said.

With stand-up, you can be as freeform as you want to be. You can say what you want, how you want, at any moment without constraint.

A nation is not a budget, no matter how much ideologues want it to be so.

It doesn't prove anything except that you're bullying us. Which, as I recall, is a sign of cowardice.