My house used to be haunted, but the ghosts haven't been back since the night I tried on all my wigs.

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough.

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

I've tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t'ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

You may wonder how I managed to make these friends. Well, I will tell you. Making friends is actually not that hard when you drop every single one of your standards.

The best experiences can't be forced and they come when you least expect it. You don't find misadventure, it finds you.

The source of our suffering has been our timidity. We have been afraid to think....Let us dare to read, think, speak, write.

And I wondered how it would feel to be in Heaven and not have my face matter anymore. Just like how it never, ever mattered to Daisy.

I don't like to deal with studios. I don't like to have conversations with executives. I pitch to the studio, then never talk to them until the test screening.

Translation is not a matter of words only: it is a matter of making intelligible a whole culture.

Baby, when you were young and your heart was an open book, you used to say live and let live. You know you did, you know you did, you know you did.

We have never had the will to enforce the immigration laws. What you see is what you'll continue to get.

I'm not a Hollywood director. I'm an in spite of Hollywood director.

I fear it, for her sake. It would mean that she too is a wanderer now, and that is a fate for human beings, not for unicorns. But I hope, of course I hope.