My humor is channeling everything through my brain. For example, when I talk about something, it's how Richard Lewis feels about it. I'm a storyteller. I do a lot of free association.

I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back.

When you're in love it's the most glorious two and a half days of your life.

I'm paranoid. On my stationary bike, I have a rear view mirror.

My parents were my worst audience.

I love being famous. It validates that I have something to say.

For 45 years I've worked without an audience.

I never wanted to do observational humor because I never wanted to tell people what they were seeing.

What are heavy? sea-sand and sorrow.What are brief? today and tomorrow.What are frail? spring blossoms and youth.What are deep? the ocean and truth.

To preserve the past is to save the future...

If you want a guarantee, buy a toaster.

Against her ankles as she trod The lucky buttercups did nod.

Islam cannot have a significant presence in Australia if we are to live in an open, secular, and cohesive society. We have seen the destruction it is causing around the world.

So, I have the responsibility of making sure that HUD functions and runs well.

It is easier to keep half a dozen lovers guessing than to keep one lover after he has stopped guessing.

I think if you're against cruelty and you look at what happens to animals in slaughterhouses and on factory farms, you have to be completely against eating meat.

I can't be on the side of any sort of war and I'm not going to be. I am against the war and I am very vocal about it.

I can't get over my disappointment in not being a boy.