My husband says, 'Roseanne, don't you think we ought to talk about our sexual problems?' Like I'm gonna turn off Wheel of Fortune for that.

The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it.

Women complain about PMS, but I think of it as the only time of the month when I can be myself.

I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.

Excuse the mess but we live here.

As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband gets home from work, then hey, I've done my job.

Half the world's starving; the other half is trying to lose weight.

Women should try to increase their size rather than decrease it, because I believe the bigger we are, the more space we'll take up, and the more we'll have to be reckoned with.

I call myself a 'domestic goddess.

Experts say you should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time? When you're feeling festive?

I quit smoking. I feel better. I smell better. And it's safer to drink out of old beer cans laying around the house.

I have stretch marks on my heart.

He opened his eyes to half-cast. With a low rumble he lifted her onto his hips. "Take me to heaven, lassie. For no one but ye can cool the fire thrumming in my blood.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with returning to the house you grew up in every now and again. It's good for the soul.

Science's job is to map our ignorance.

A forest of these trees is a spectacle too much for one man to see.

I have no doubt that it is part of the destiny of the human race in its gradual improvement, to leave off eating animals.

Hope is the mainspring of life.

The most magnificent creature in the entire world, the tiger is.

You cant beat The Beatles, you join em.

Women have no government.