My husband wanted one of those big-screen TVs for his birthday. So I just moved his chair closer to the one we have already.

I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog.

I go running when I have to. When the ice cream truck is doing sixty.

My mother always said don't marry for money, divorce for money.

Is there a doctor in the house? My parents want me to marry you.

I just got my first bikini. It's a three-piece: a top, a botton, and a blindfold for you.

I went to the 30th reunion of my preschool. I didn't want to go, because I've put on like a hundred pounds.

I found out why cats drink out of the toilet. My mother told me it's because the water is cold in there. And I'm like: How did my mother know that?

My mom was a ventriloquist and she always was throwing her voice. For ten years I thought the dog was telling me to kill my father.

I don't think I was funny until college. I lived with some Harvard MD/PhD students - they were so smart, and what I contributed to the house was, I was the funny one.

I get my sense of humor from my parents. That's why they don't have one anymore.

If you suffer thank God! It is a sure sign that you are alive.

But poetry is a way of language, it is not its subject or its maker's background or interests or hobbies or fixations. It is nearer to utterance than history.

I like Thailand, and I love coming to Asia with the whole vibe, food, temperature, and climate.

You have to keep adapting to the times. If you kind of go with it, it can kind of fun.

By the way, everybody approaches acting differently. Like, I'm kind of sloppy and I like it kind of loose. I like to kind of play around. Some people don't.

I love berries. Strawberries, blueberries, raspberries, black berries, anything with an 'errie' in it!

Take dem shoes off your teeth and stop running your mouth.

In comparison, Google is brilliant because it uses an algorithm that ranks Web pages by the number of links to them, with those links themselves valued by the number of links to their page of origin.

He who can lead you to believe an absurdity can lead you to commit an atrocity.

Ah me, how weak a thing The heart of woman is!