My iPhone has 2 million times the storage of the 1969 Apollo 11 computer. They went to the moon. I throw birds at pig houses

People are like music, some speak the truth and others are just noise.

Alcohol is really just the liquid version of Photoshop.

Whatever you do, always give 100%. Unless you're donating blood.

Friendship is so weird. You just pick a human you've met and you're like, 'Yep, I like this one,' and you just do stuff with them.

I'm a nut, but not just a nut.

Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.

You know how funerals are not for the dead, they’re for the living? Bachelor parties are not for the groom, they’re for the uncommitted.

You can tell how boring a person is by the lack of fear in their eyes when someone is flipping through photos on their phone.

Just beat my record for most consecutive days without dying.

The secret is to have a sense of yourself, your real self, your unique self. And not just once in a while, or once a day, but all through the day, the week and life.

Sometimes it's a revelation, even to me, how much more comfortable I am with cruelty than with kindness.

Your devotion to God is illustrated, demonstrated, and authenticated by your love for others.

I think it must be hard being David [Tennant]. I get a certain level of attention but - I've seen it in action - he can't move for attention.

Listen, darling, tomorrow I'll buy you a whole lot of detective stories, but don't worry your pretty little head over mysteries tonight.

Dedicating time when I really can't afford to be I'll provide protection if you open up the door for me

When I watched Braveheart I was in tears and I was rooting for the Scottish people

Never underestimate a well-dressed bimbo.

It is not always a matter of wild ovations and legendary performances. Sometimes you are just happy to get through an opera without trouble.

Fishing should be a ceremony that reaffirms our place in the natural world and helps us resist further estrangement from our origins.

A person who has great wealth will still be unhappy if he hasn't also mastered gratitude!