My job is to go out and entertain the most people possible.

My mind is a raging torrent, flooded with rivulets of thought cascading into a waterfall of creative alternatives.

As long as the world is turning and spinning, we're gonna be dizzy and we're gonna make mistakes.

I've been accused of vulgarity. I say that's bullshit.

If you stand on a soapbox and trade rhetoric with a dictator you never win.

Hope for the Best. Expect the worst. Life is a play. We're unrehearsed.

Life literally abounds in comedy if you just look around you.

If presidents can't do it to their wives, they do it to their country.

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.

Humor is just another defense against the universe.

I don't know what to say so I'll just say what's in my heart...badoom, badoom, badoom.

A good story conveys a message that strengthens our values.

Jung was absolutely right about one thing. We are occupied by gods. The mistake is to identify with the god occupying you.

I don't know who a character is till I look into their eyes.

You can control your attitude. Set it each morning.

If I'm going east and west, nothing's happening

When we rejoice in beautiful scenery, great art, and great music, it is but the flexing of instincts acquired in another place and another time.

The difference between writing a book and being on television is the difference between conceiving a child and having a baby made in a test tube.

That which builds is better than that which is built.

No time of life is so beautiful as the early days of love, when with every meeting, every glance, one fetches something new home to rejoice over.

Let the doors be shut upon him, that he may play the fool no where but in's own house.