My kids used to love math. Now it makes them cry. Thanks standardized testing and common core!

When a person tells you that you hurt them, you don't get to decide that you didn't.

The greatest thing about having a child is putting yourself second in your own life. It's a massive gift to be able to say you're not the most important person to yourself.

I don't stop eating when I'm full. The meal isn't over when I'm full. It's over when I hate myself.

I have a lot of beliefs... and I live by none of them...

When you have bacon in your mouth, it doesn't matter who's president.

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime. Leave the dude alone and he'll figure it out.

Everything is amazing and nobody is happy

What happens after you die? Lot's of things happen after you die - they just don't involve you

One thing I learned from drinking is that if you ever go Christmas caroling, you should go with a group of people. And also go in mid-December.

Well, when I was younger, I lied all the time, because once you understand the power of lying, it's really like magic because you transform reality for people.

My death was written in that day when I was born, That is why I don’t fear about to die. I just fear that when I die who will cry?

People ask me how I make music. I tell them I just step into it. It's like stepping into a river and joining the flow. Every moment in the river has its song.

Old fighters keep making comebacks. We are more alive when boxing than at almost any other time.

I am grateful to all my readers

Book and reader, if they meet up at the right moment, it can make sparks fly, set you alight, change your life. It can, I promise you.

Cleverly designed experiments are the key.

I hope by the time I am president that we will have pushed ISIS out of Iraq.

Drunk people run stop signs, high people wait for them to turn green

Wandering and confused, lost to myself, ill-assorted, contradictory, Pausing, gazing, bending, and stopping

There's a lot of guys that just get comfortable with their positions and rest on their laurels. I had to earn my way.