My life and my career have been a series of happy and not so happy accidents.

My parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles were all funny, and I felt that energy, that delivery, that timing, that sarcasm. All that stuff seeped into my brain.

Life is short. You have to be able to laugh at our pain or we never move on.

Do you want me to apologize after every joke? If it doesn't offend somebody it's probably not a joke. It's probably an observation that's not funny. It's gotta offend somebody somewhere.

I've actually tried to roast somebody that I don't like, and it doesn't go well. Either they're a bad sport or I'm not as funny as I could be.

When I see a good singer, I get teary-eyed. Part of it is jealousy because all comedians are frustrated rock stars. That's a fact.

How is it possible that Courtney Love looks worse than Kurt Cobain?

I've always liked cops, as much as you can like a group of people, you know? Sure, I've been hassled, but I'm a white dude - privileged.

Instead of running for President, why don’t you try walking on a treadmill?

It really bothers me when some people say that all cops are racist. Of course that's not true. Most of you are just [expletive] to everybody.

Maybe I'm corny, but I'm a big believer in second chances.

We know your secret.And we won’t be made invisible.

I have a great life and I'm super active.

Visual media is the dominant art form in our present day culture, whereas poetry is, at best, a proxy. Yet poetry and film are both "dream factories."

The things that go wrong often make the best memories.

Cheyenne Jackson is just a dream.

Publishing is a business. Writing may be art, but publishing, when all is said and done, comes down to dollars.

The poet is he who inspires, rather than he who is inspired.

It seems clear to me also that climate change is a problem which can no longer be left to our future generation.

I have to be able to trust you with my life. Do you understand?

I would much rather be known as the mother of a great son than the author of a great book or the painter of a great masterpiece.