My life goal is not to ruin anyone's existence. I'm a comic.

I don't care if you want to hunt, I don't care if you think it's your right. I say, sorry, you are not allowed to own a gun, and if you do own a gun I think you should go to prison.

Christianity is just as threatening as radical Islam in a country like America...

I just want to say something. 655,000 Iraqi civilians are dead. Who are the terrorists?

The Second Amendment is not really a right.

I act irrationally, I defy the odds, I engage when others would run. I look for trouble, I seek chaos, it is a burden.

Don't fear the terrorists. They're mothers and fathers.

I think there should be a law - and I know this is extreme - that no one can have a gun in the U.S. If you have a gun, you go to jail. Only the police should have guns.

I'd love to be a dead body in the emergency room and have George Clooney go, 'This one's gone!' while he puts a sheet on me.

I've been on every diet in the world. I've been on Slim-Fast. For breakfast you have a shake. For lunch, you have a shake. For dinner, you kill anyone with food on their plate.

I'm not going to let my life revolve around losing weight. I have other things to do.

Stand up for what is right, regardless of who is committing the wrong.

Because there's no way on earth she's going to make it through college unless she grows some serious ovaries and turns this train wreck around

All told, over the period 1932-1980, nearly half a century, the top federal income tax rate in the United States averaged 81 percent.

Our love is the reason romance was created.

Modern consumer life is a form of extreme passive violence against all people.

Allow sunshine and light into your rooms and life!

The only honest and generous thing for me to do is to give people myself. That's all I've got as an artist, so I want to do that in an unflinching way.

I will take the acting work when I can get it. I am not really an actor, that's always apparent but it's work and I'll take it and am always glad for it.

He who is served is limited in his independence.

Miss Dietrich is not so much a performer as a one-woman environment.