My life is so bad that it's worse than it really is.

If the mind fits, shrink it.

I hate feeling hate but feeling nothing feels worse.

Life is short unless agony is long.

If you only go around once in life, then why has that one gone around more than once?

There is a meaning of life but I've been sworn to secrecy.

Ultimate meaning is meaningless. Meaning meaning means everything else.

I learned to smile, avoiding happiness advice.

I've been coerced into free will.

I forgot what I was going to think.

An apple a day feeds the tapeworm to stay.

The first thing the therapist asked me was, 'Are you here because you're depressed?' I said, 'Not at all--I'm here because I'm Southern.'" Anne Herndon

A writer tries to express those thoughts, which are inexpressible, with beauty and love.

--And the good thing about feeling happy, you know, Valentin? ...It's that you think it's forever, that one's never ever going to feel unhappy again.

The first and most imperative necessity in war is money, for money means everything else - men, guns, ammunition.

My only good result in 1997 was marrying Brooke Shields.

I'm not just anybody.' 'No, indeed. Nobody is.

It is never the machines that are dead. It is only the mechanically-minded men that are dead.

Look what happened with the employment law in France-the law was withdrawn because the people marched in the streets. I think what we need is a global protest movement of people who won't give up.

My roommate says, "I'm going to take a shower and shave. Does anyone need to use the bathroom?" It's like some weird quiz where he reveals the answer first.

The left has so corrupted everything it's touched. Even its highest ranking intellectual members are loony.