My life would never contain a convenient, pain-saving plan when it could stretch a problem out into an endless agony of uncertainty and torture.

Good memories are like charms...Each is special. You collect them, one by one, until one day you look back and discover they make a long, colorful bracelet.

Your mind creates your reality. If you expect nothing, you open up the universe to give you options. If you expect the worst, you usually get it.

A friend of mine once defined love as finding someone you can talk to late into the night

Some poeple just don't have what it takes to appreciate a cookie.

Oh great. Yoda captured us.

Who, last time I'd checked, was still on our official archenemy list. (Yes, we have to keep a list. It's kind of sad.)

They call me, The Sharkalator

At that moment I had no mind to change, or not change, or throw against the nearest wall.

I don't get a chance to be funny with the thrillers. I like to be funny, and I think I am really funny. So with 'Middle School: The Worst Years of My Life', it was fun to let loose.

I had to give him props, but how annoying of him to be a hero when I was trying so hard to dislike him. It was downright selfish.

There is so much good in the worst of us And so much bad in the best of us That it ill behooves any of us To find fault with the rest of us.

He who, to be happy, needs nothing but himself, is happy.

In all good westerns, the good guy is always a little bit questionable because he kind-of has to make moral judgments.

Tommy Smothers is my longest mentor, and Dave Eggers is my youngest.

To me, art is the glorification of the human spirit.

God to me is love. It's the ruler of all things, whether it's with a person or with music or with your TV. I feel like it's this energy. God is energy, love is energy.

Don't forget to do something for other people.

It's fine, precise, detailed work, the infinitely small motor management of diamond cutters and safecrackers that we do in our heads.

I came to acting in a very circuitous way.

Irrefragability, thy name is mathematics.