My mom had a soft heart after all! Instead of being chained by both wrists, we were only chained by one ankle! I mean, if I’d been looking for proof that she really did love me, this was it, right?

Good memories are like charms...Each is special. You collect them, one by one, until one day you look back and discover they make a long, colorful bracelet.

Your mind creates your reality. If you expect nothing, you open up the universe to give you options. If you expect the worst, you usually get it.

A friend of mine once defined love as finding someone you can talk to late into the night

Some poeple just don't have what it takes to appreciate a cookie.

Oh great. Yoda captured us.

Who, last time I'd checked, was still on our official archenemy list. (Yes, we have to keep a list. It's kind of sad.)

They call me, The Sharkalator

At that moment I had no mind to change, or not change, or throw against the nearest wall.

I don't get a chance to be funny with the thrillers. I like to be funny, and I think I am really funny. So with 'Middle School: The Worst Years of My Life', it was fun to let loose.

I had to give him props, but how annoying of him to be a hero when I was trying so hard to dislike him. It was downright selfish.

I'm a poet and It's my choiceless choice.

If Americans simply choose to vote for the person who has a D or an R by their name, we will get what we deserve, which is what we have now.

When you're successful, people have no sympathy. Nobody wants to catch the tears of a millionaire.

There's no greater way to gain an audience's sympathy than by being unfortunate.

He's a normal, likable, straightforward boy. (on David Beckham)

Over the whole, a young lady presided, whose gloomy haughtiness as she surveyed the street, announced a deep-seated grievance against society, and an implacable determination to be avenged.

There must be times when everybody writes when they feel they're evading writing.

Obstreperous, ‘huh,” said Tad. “I see you’ve been using that Big Word of the Day calendar I got you last Christmas.” “That is irrefragable,” I told him solemnly.

Abstinence is the surety of temperance.

Silence is most powerful. Speech is always less powerful than silence.