My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.

Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn't go far didn't see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded.

Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we've always had: work, or prison.

I have to get a licence to drive a motorcycle to protect myself and the people around me. I am adamant there should be some sort of licensing required to have children.

A guy knows he's in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.

If you don't decide where you're going, life will decide for you.

Sometimes you get the sense that the Creator is getting to that point of "Yeah, we might have to reboot."

Real men don't use instructions, son. Besides, this is just the manufacturer's opinion on how to put this together.

I'm a creative guy, artistically with graphics.

Jill, we became parents so we could tell our kids what to do. Otherwise we're just the tallest people living here.

To get a man's attention, just stand in front of the TV and don't move. He'll talk to you. I promise.

Light in comparison with darkness is a void.

Denial. It’s the only thing that keeps most of us from losing our sanity.

But if ever I try to mend, some other bodies would instantly break, would instantly be fragments.

Since art is considered a noble field, art should be used to promote all that is good and noble, and in a noble fashion.

I spend most of my evenings grinding into the early morning to my favorite music.

There are more sure marks of authenticity in the Bible than in any profane history.

It feels good to be a part of history.

He alone may chastise who loves.

The coolest thing is when you don't care about being cool.

Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.