My mom told me she thinks a man in the market felt her up today. I asked, Where did he touch you? She said, On my knee, Bobby.

I have the brain of a German Shepherd and the body of a 16-year-old boy; they’re both in my car and I want you to see them

Yet there are some people - Steve Allen would dissect comedy forever; he's a really funny guy, but he would love talking about comedy. I'm doing it right now and you all seem bored.

I'd like a nice piece of salmon that's not too pink inside and yet isn't too dry or crisp either.

Today is the first day of the rest of your life. And if that doesn't work out for you, Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life.

Behind every great man in prison is another great man in prison.

My father once told me, and it's stuck with me to this day: As you walk through life, every time you fart it pushes you forward.

Today is a brand new day. A day of change, of promise, of creativity, of kindness, and of love. I'm going back to bed.

If someone sprays windex in your food it can give you diarrhea. But once you wipe it off your windows, you're fine.

I don't roll like that but I've never been with a hooker either. Yeah, that's good to say in an interview cause I feel bad a little because people grew up watching me and that's a little disturbing.

My dad told me if I was ever intimidated by anyone, just picture them with their clothes off. He said that's how he dealt with my mom.

A human being is a garden of love. Only you have to know how much water is needed to grow them.

When you've got everything and think you've got nothing you've actually got less

I wouldn't underrate the power of regret. It doesn't feel good... But it's hard to learn anything important without it.

Two forms of fat that are vitally important for brain health are cholesterol and saturated fat.

It's one of the reasons [professional politicians] why people's confidence in the electoral system has declined so much. They have all become shadowy political creatures

If one fears men much he will never do anything great for God: all that one does for God arouses persecution.

Managed funds are astonishingly tax-inefficient.

When we love, we are the universe and the universe lives in us.

There is no one road to success, you must find your own route.

If you are what you do, then when you don't, you aren't.