My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.

If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

You know you're ugly when you go to the proctologist and he sticks his finger in your mouth.

When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.

I can't come, ' she said apologetically, 'I have forgotten how to fly.''I'll soon teach you again.''O Peter, don't waste the fairy dust on me.

Wasn't much of a life anyway. Wasn't much of a brain.""But didn't you say you were satisfied with your life?""Word games, " I dismissed. "Every army needs a flag.

She felt like something had shifted between them but wasn't sure what.

The prosperity of right is that it is always beautiful and pure.

The art of publicity is a black art.

I believe that life is given us so that we may grow in love and I believe that God is in me as the sun is in the color and fragrance of a flower.

Doing good is the only certainly happy action of a man's life.

Climate change has happened because of human behaviour, therefore it’s only natural it should be us, human beings, to address this issue. It may not be too late if we take decisive actions today.

The average celebrity meets, in one year, ten times the amount of people that the average person meets in his entire life.

If I could take my entire savings in place of something, I’d chose time.