My mother made us eat all sorts of vitamins and supplements, until one day I nearly choked on part of The Sunday Times.

If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They're trained for that!

You know the animal that kills the most people in the world? The Hepatitis Bee.

About a month before he died, my grandfather, we covered his back full of lard - after that he went downhill very quickly.

As a child I watched Mary Poppins so many times I suffered from a condition with my sight. Umdiddleiddleiddleumdiddle Eye.

My grandfather invented the cold air balloon... But it never really took off.

I've just finished my book, I wrote it on penguins. Come to think of it, paper would have been better.

I hate sitting in traffic, because I always get run over.

I went out with this girl the other night, she wore this real slinky number...She looked great going down the stairs.

If you're depressed and called Morgan spend the first half of the day in Germany for some positive affirmation.

Most of my relatives are police marksmen, apart from my grandad who was a bank robber. He died recently, surrounded by his family.

Good parents...give their children roots and wings. Roots to know where home is, wings to fly away and exercise what's been taught them.

If a religious book makes you harbor ill thoughts about those with differing faith, then, you're reading the wrong crap of late.

Take it all in all, I do not believe anybody on Earth has it worse than an Emperor penguin.

Unlike humanity, my mind isn't so frail as to simply climb under gravity and submit to God.

Difficulties are made to be overcome ~ Miss Felicity Lemon, Agatha Christie's Poirot: The Plymouth Express

Research now seems to indicate that one hour of inner action is worth seven hours of out-in-the-worl d action. Think about that. You're working too hard.

No amount of humanitarian assistance can protect people from being attacked.

Wal-Mart hires average people but squeezes above average performance and results out of them.

Lost love is still love. It takes a different form, that's all.

Even though I am still injured, I had to fight again today.Luckily this time,I was paired against Myra,who couldn't throw a good punch if someone was controlling her arm for her.