My mother sent me to psychiatrists since the age of four because she didn't think little boys should be sad. When my brother was born, I stared out the window for days. Can you imagine that?

What's real? What's not? That's what I do in my act, test how other people deal with reality.

I see the world as an illusion, and we shouldn't take ourselves so seriously

As they say in my country, the only thing that separates us from the animals is mindless superstition and pointless ritual.

There's no way to describe what I do. It's just me.

I never told a joke in my life.

My mother sent me to psychiatrists since the age of four because she didnt think little boys should be sad. When my brother was born, I stared out the window for days. Can you imagine that?

When I perform, it's very personal. I'm sharing things I like, inviting the audience into my room.

The critics try to intellectualize my material. There's no satire involved. Satire is a concept that can only be understood by adults. My stuff is straight, for people of all ages.

I just want real reactions. I want people to laugh from the gut, be sad from the gut - or get angry from the gut.

Theres no drama like wrestling.

Friendship's like a relationship between friends.

One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.

No doubt, the biggest challenge before you is to protect yourself from sadness, because happiness belongs to the theory of uncertainty.

Do not rely completely on any other human being however dear. We meet all life's greatest tests alone.

A man would do nothing if he waited until he could do it so well that no one could find fault.

I'd love to go back and do theater. There's nothing like that instant response and the connection to a live audience.

Never board a commercial aircraft if the pilot is wearing a tank top.

The earth is suffocating... Swear to make them cut me open, so that I won't be buried alive.

If you consider the great journalists in history, you don't see too many objective journalists on that list.

It is kindness in a person, not beauty that wins our love