My mother used to rock me - and she used big rocks.

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.

If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

You know you're ugly when you go to the proctologist and he sticks his finger in your mouth.

Never elated while one man's oppress'd Never dejected while another's bless'd.

We can fear things into existence. Fear looks into the future and imagines the worst that can happen.

Our infinite obligations to God do not fill our hearts half as much as a petty uneasiness of our own; nor His infinite perfections as much as our smallest wants.

I felt before I thought

You're so caught up in grumbling, complaining, and seeing what's wrong that you have no energy or time to appreciate what's good.

I'M FREE! - I'm free, And freedom tastes of reality, I'm free - I'm free, An' I'm waiting for you to follow me.

We will never forget that blessing. It was the most pained and moving blessing, which left us with the extreme testimony of his will to complete his ministry until the end.

Whatever the drawbacks and failures I am convinced that in years to come humanity will look back to Soviet achievements as a source of profound inspiration

May blessings be upon the head of Cadmus, the Phoenicians, or whoever it was that invented books.