My neighbor, she invited me to an Elvis party. I told her I couldn't come 'cause I'd be too busy making fun of her from behind my blinds.

When life gives you lemons don't make lemonade, make pink lemonade. Be unique.

I noticed recently, in the last few shows I did, that I'm starting to get people - not a large group, but quite a few people - who come to see me because they love Curb Your Enthusiasm.

If you feel like there's something out there that you're supposed to be doing, if you have a passion for it, then stop wishing and just do it.

I'm here today because I refused to be unhappy. I took a chance.

Don't bother me while I'm eating, or when I'm coming out of the crackhouse or something. Just let me get going.

And then also I think it's harder for women because comedy is so opposite of being ladylike.

Some government workers are dedicated and work hard, but most of them are just waiting to retire.

If you're passionate about your work, it makes the people around you want to be involved too.

I don't like the saying keep your friends close and enemies closer. I want my enemy on a different planet.

I don’t understand why people really get upset about something that doesn’t affect them at all.

I’m tired of your revenge, your anger, your hate. The war is killing you.

Don't trust a mirror that only tells you how wonderful you look.

It is hieroglyphic that will last, not stone heads. The future belongs to the word, not the image.(The mason Mutsose, in Achet-Aten).

Things do not happen to us… They happen because of us

God has given his law so that we will experience, not earn, the good he intends for our lives.

Confirming what you see as reality...is a true sign of your arrogance.

We've got to look toward two years from now [January 2017] to at least provide some balance in congress.

Single by choice, just not my choice.

Today, Angelina Jolie met with Pope Francis at the Vatican. Long story short: She adopted him.

I like filming in the UK - I'll sleep in my own bed, which I'm really happy about.