My only solution for the problem of habitual accidents is to stay in bed all day. Even then, there is always the chance that you will fall out.

We call ourselves a free nation, and yet we let ourselves be told what cabs we can and can't take by a man at a hotel door, simply because he has a drum major's uniform on.

Why don't you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini?

The free-lance writer is a man who is paid per piece or per word or perhaps.

You might think that after thousands of years of coming up too soon and getting frozen, the crocus family would have had a little sense knocked into it.

Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed be doing at that moment.

In America there are two classes of travel - first class, and with children.

Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.

A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down.

Dachshunds are ideal dogs for small children, as they are already stretched and pulled to such a length that the child cannot do much harm one way or the other.

There is no such place as Budapest. Perhaps you are thinking of Bucharest, and there is no such place as Bucharest, either.

[Y]ou are here to learn something. Don’t try to figure out what it is. This can be frustrating and unproductive.

On deathbed every single good, bad, ugly moment becomes special.

It's hard to beat a person that never gives up.

Asking for advice is an act of humility.... The act alone says, "I need you." The decision maker and the adviser are pushed into a closer relationship.

The self is no mystery, the mystery is / That there is something for us to stand on

You can't just build a huge chest and arms. You need to work out your body evenly. Otherwise, A, you'll look weird, and B, it's not the best for your body.

Even now, when I do a slide show of the Geek Squad story, the first slide is a photo of ramen noodles. Because for me, ramen noodles are the international symbol for struggle.

Must swear off from swearing. Bad habit.

A man who doesn't dream is like a man who doesn't sweat. He stores up a lot of poison.

I'm kind of jealous of the life I'm supposedly leading.