My parents always told me I could do anything, but never told me how long it would take

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.

It wasn't that no one asked me to the prom, it was that no one would tell me where it was.

I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.

I don't want to push the envelope. Let the envelope stay in the middle of the table. I'll just make you laugh.

I was a ballerina. I had to quit after I injured a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.

The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down.

I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and say to myself "well, that's not going to happen

No one measures a life in weeks and days. You measure life in years and by the things that happen to you.

If you are noticing your desires are not coming to fruition, it is time to dive into the unconscious world to discover what other belief may be stronger.

The working class must control the factories and the country

No propagation or multiplication is more rapid that that of evil, unless it be checked; no growth more certain.

We want very good leaders who have a lot of power.

When at last we are sure, You've been properly pilled, Then a few paper forms, Must be properly filled. So that you and your heirs, May be properly billed.

Barack Obama's mother-in-law might be moving into the White House with him. Joe Biden was right. Hostile forces will test him in the first few months.

Well, I think there's a distinction between sexing-up the intelligence and sexing-up the presentation of the intelligence.

When you're not gaping at Megan Fox enough to listen to what the director's saying, you can get some work done.