My parents had very strict rules for me. Rules like, I couldn't be home until a certain hour.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.

I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.

My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself.

My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes.

I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn't any gum under any of them.

I've learned that you can't make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they'll panic and give in.

People come up to me and say, 'Emo, do people really come up to you?'

Don’t let time make a fool of you, use Cosmic Ordering.

Love shouldn't come with conditions.

Loyalty is smart with patience.

The Presidents Woodruff and Smith both said they were willing for such a ceremony to occur, if done in Mexico, and Pres. Woodruff promised the Lord's blessing to follow such an act.

I have never seen a proton or electron spinning around it. I have never actually seen a chromosome. I trust that they exist because people who I trust tell me they do.

It's just like being a father; you got to show them love and you got to show them the path. I don't like this role-model stuff, though.

Recollect that you must be a seaman to be an officer and also that you cannot be a good officer without being a gentleman.

At the end of our life, we shall all be judged by charity.

The art of government is not to let me grow stale.

You will come home before the leaves have fallen from the trees.