My plumbing is all screwed up. Because it turns out, I do not own a garbage disposal.

I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.

I wear dark sunglasses when I want my head to look more like a limousine.

The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.

A lot of people like lollipops. I don't like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don't need a handle. Just give me the candy.

Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.

A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.

When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.

Life is likephotography we develop from the negatives

For me it is sufficient to have a corner by my hearth a book and a friend and a nap undisturbed by creditors or grief.

Human spirit is the ability to face the uncertainty of the future with curiosity and optimism.

It is far easier to fight with sin in public than to pray against it in private.

Once a week, do a thorough review of all your projects in as much detail as you need to. If you do, your systems will work. If you don't, no system will work.

So many stories, and to choose which ones to tell and how to tell them. The words, they will tap me on the shoulder and they will speak to me: Tell me! Tell me! The stories choose me.

I wouldn't, a little bit frightened but throughout my life I'd learnt that when you're in the serious situations, you've got to try to stay calm. Because that's the way you get out of them.

There are lots of questions which have to be answered.

I can promise you. If you work 12 hours, I will work for 13. If you work 14 hours, I will work for 15 hours. Why? Because I am not a ‘pradhan mantri’, but a ‘pradhan sevak’.

Champions make their own luck.