My policy is 'No stone throwing regardless of housing situation.'

I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.

I wear dark sunglasses when I want my head to look more like a limousine.

The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.

A lot of people like lollipops. I don't like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don't need a handle. Just give me the candy.

Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.

A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.

When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.

I wish to say what I think and feel today with the proviso that tomorrow perhaps I shall contradict it all.

Going before an audience of people who expect you to be funny is tough. Going before an audience that expect you to be boring, and then being a little funny, is much easier. I prefer easier.

In most bull markets there comes a time when the public controls fluctuations and the efforts of the largest operators are insufficient to check the rising tide.

Scientists have a strong urge to write papers but only a relatively mild one to read them.

Jealousy will drive you mad.

No one must use the name of God to commit violence. To kill in the name of God is a grave sacrilege. To discriminate in the name of God is inhuman.

I find I have, and a heart doesn’t suit me, Windermere. Somehow it doesn’t go with modern dress. It makes one look old.

I don't know if child actors are necessarily more screwed up than most people.

If you had a European prime minister who experienced what we've experienced it would be expected that he would retire or resign.

The world is too dangerous for anything but truth and too small for anything but love.